


To Hold Azure in My Hands, Yet Chase Indigo

by deeklz, TheGrammarHawk



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Dancer Azur | Inigo, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Family, Gay Panic, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Injury, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, M/M, Minor Violence, Near Death Experiences, Non-Graphic Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Pen Pals, Points of View, Rating May Change, Romance, Secret Identity, Single Parents, Social Anxiety, Swearing, Texting, Time Shenanigans, and it isn't explicit at all, for the first couple chapters anyways, i swear nothing happens, i'll explain that, y'all know what's up with my nonsense tagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 13:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18283046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deeklz/pseuds/deeklz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGrammarHawk/pseuds/TheGrammarHawk
Summary: Modern!AU - Xander, businessman and heir to the Nohrian company, has a pretty typical life: doting siblings, an asshole father, and a couple close friends, one of which he's never met in real life. Part of an exchange that his company does to understand the consumer identity is pair off their employees with those from different walks of life in a pen-pal type scenario.Xander's online friend goes by the name of Laslow, and admittedly they've gotten to be quite good friends despite never meeting face-to-face. Xander likes to think he knows quite a bit about the other man, from his devotion to his mother to his love of the art of dance. Laslow is simply another part of Xander's typical day-to-day life.Nothing is the same after he rescues the most famed male dancer in the region, Inigo of Indigo Skies. Upon realizing who his savior is, Inigo must do everything he can to keep the ideas of "Inigo", the dainty and shy dancer, and "Laslow", the penname behind which he shows his flirty, confident side, as far apart from each other as possible in Xander's mind.(It's a good thing he's oblivious.)





	1. Dark Alleyway

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deeklz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deeklz/gifts).



> ayyyyyy what's up so,,, this is based on a roleplay that's almost a year old by now. Wow. Darling deeklz and I had a whole sappy plot planned out for our gremlin xanlow desires, with myself writing Inigo and her writing Xander - and this story is going to be a novelization and continuation of the roleplay we had. This chapter and perhaps one or two more after it will include POV changes: as mentioned, for this chapter Inigo's POV is written by me, Xander's by deeklz!  
> it kinda starts in medias res and hopefully will become more straightforward as we go along - sidenote, ages are kinda fucky in here. Olivia, Inigo, and Soleil all live together and while Olivia is early thirties, Inigo is early twenties, and Soleil is late teens - don't question it, just consider it convenience. time is messy, oh well.

- **Inigo’s POV** -

He had done it this time. He wasn't sure _why_ he had listened - the man just seemed as if he was sincere. And - And he had promised money. He desperately wanted to bring in some money.

It wasn't supposed to have gone this way. _What would Olivia think?_

The man he had offered himself to for the night had left... odd instructions. He should've known better. He should've realized how sketchy this entire situation was. He shouldn't have gone to the club, he should've _known_ that the manager would recognize who he was, demand him to perform that night - and all for some undesirable lowlife to crawl out of the gutters. He'd stop it here. He'd just say no, return the money-

He felt a hand grip his shoulder, and he jumped, immediately spooked. The stammered excuses came out too swiftly - _I'm sorry my good man, as it turns out I have to back out and decline, my mother awaits me at home, here's your money_ \- but no, excuses weren't enough, of _course_ they weren't, and before he knew it he had been pinned by the sternum, back to the wall of the club he regretted ever stepping a foot into.

_"I'll get what I paid for and then some out of you. Right, lads?"_

Oh gods no. Oh _gods_. There were _more_. More shady figures started seeping from the alley's shadows, all dirty and questionable in appearance. The leader, the _damned_ man who he had sold his night to, smashed his knee between Inigo's legs, uncomfortably high up. This resulted in a startled shout - which only earned him a hard slap in return.

"You'll be keeping that pretty little mouth of yours shut, if you ever want to return home to _mommy_."

- **Xander’s POV** -

The evening was drearier than usual, the sky an overcast gray and the wind brisk and chilly. Xander shivered slightly; he had forgotten a jacket, and it seems he would suffer for the rest of the walk. He glanced up, eyes meeting a bright neon sign labeled -- ah, so he had entered _that_ part of town.

It'd be a lie to say he wasn't at least remotely familiar with the area, but he never found himself needing to be here anyway. The businessman was fond of walks, particularly in the early morning or evening. It allowed him to detach from the busy hum of his work life, and slow down to take time with his thoughts. And every day he found himself in a different part of town: he had found himself here a few times, but never for too long.

However, as he neared upon the backside of the club he passed a moment earlier, he heard sounds of a scuffle, many voices murmuring and… shouting? He contemplated not intervening, as he preferred not getting his nose in places it didn't belong, but something unsettled him about this.

Taking a deep breath, he turns the corner. His arrival was quiet at first, looking upon the scene. His heart dropped in pity - a dancer, shoved against the wall, surrounded by shady characters, one of them (the leader?) muttering words he couldn't hear. He always heard that it was a dangerous business, but he never thought he'd find himself in such a situation. Ah, the poor boy...

It seemed he had no choice, though.

He walked forward, boots clicking against the concrete. He shoved aside a goon, roughly turning the leader aside by the shoulder, his grip like steel.

“And just what do you think you're doing?” His voice boomed in the alleyway, ripe with authority. He quickly glances to the dancer - he seemed… familiar? As if he knew him in another life. But that couldn't be true... His gaze returned to the ringleader, cold with disapproval.

- **Inigo’s POV** -

Before Inigo knew what was happening, there was a hand on his throat, the sound of someone _new_ entering the dark alleyway, and just as swiftly as the calloused fingers had cut off his airway, they were gone. He gasped, thrown from his feet as the leader was abruptly turned, his leg moving with him and knocking Inigo to the ground. He was dizzy and in some amount of pain from the fall, and within instants he could feel more people grabbing at him - but _whoever_ had entered the alley seemed to be scaring the gang enough to keep them from touching.

Frankly, Inigo was tired of being here. And in general. He remained there on the ground, pulled away somewhat from the group of men - ah, so that was the new one. It had to be, he didn't look like the others. He was dressed nicely, hair in place - he didn't belong in a place like this. ~~Only pathetic men like himself ought to be there.~~

He wasn't exactly sure what happened then. Whether this man beat up the offenders or simply spooked them off, he didn't know - but he could feel less people around him. His chest still hurt, and his ~~whole body~~ hands were shaking, but he could still find his voice.

"Thank you for... for the assistance." He could've done better, it wasn't one of his usual one-liners, but right now he was just in pain and frankly terrified, and-

Oh _gods_ , Olivia was going to kill him.

- **Xander’s POV** -

Xander crossed his arms, chuckling quietly to himself for a moment. It seemed his mere presence had sent the gang off with their tails between their legs (though that may have been an overstatement; it was mostly choice words and a few exchanged blows.) It was rather fortunate in a way; he wasn't quite dressed for the occasion. It'd be a shame to dirty his new vest. That wasn't the pressing matter at hand, though. He turned his attention to the dancer, his face much softer than before with worry.

He knelt on one knee in front of the dancer, finally getting a good look at him, albeit only for a few seconds. Ah, he was certainly familiar - or at least, he had heard about him. He was supposed to be the best in the business - though it was certainly none of Xander’s to know about these things, but merely word of mouth. He grasped the dancer’s hands firmly but not too much so, helping him back up onto two feet. Again, _poor boy_ , he thought. He seemed just a bit younger than himself, maybe in the early twenties as opposed to his middling-years. The pure terror in his eyes was enough to make Xander shudder.

“Please, it's no problem. However, are you alright? Do I need to call anybody?” Xander’s voice was laced with gentle tones, a far cry from the commanding voice he had just used moments prior. He almost asked _what were you doing_ , before realizing… what he was probably doing, before the situation spiraled out of control.

- **Inigo’s POV** -

His hands - they were warm, strong, and yet they also were gentle. Even with the man's firm grip, Inigo still found himself unsteady, and he prayed quietly that he wouldn't let go too swiftly - his rescuer was quite a looker, and he didn't want to embarrass himself more by toppling over. He had to control his shaking first, and that - well, that was going to be difficult, given the situation and his general anxiety - especially as this man stared at him. _Gods_ , he couldn't take being stared at...

"I-I'll be alright - I've had to deal with such things before," he grimaced, unsure as to why he admitted that. "I fear I'm not at all good at this side of the business - I'd prefer the high-class audiences I usually have, but..."

He hoped his tone gave enough away to not have to explain himself. Frankly, the idea of calling somebody was likely a wise move - but he couldn't _dare_ in this situation. After all, there were only a few people he could get away with calling, people that would actually take the time to _respond_ : his darling mother, bless her soul, who definitely didn't need to know that this situation ever happened; his dear daughter, bless _hers_ , who even more so didn't need to know about this, and that left a few of his friends - but no, they'd be too concerned, and he couldn't face the shame of it-

This was _hopeless_ , Inigo realized as his breathing began to quicken again. He was going to throw himself into a panic attack at this rate, and honestly, who would _blame_ him, he had almost-

"There's n-no need to call..." he tried, suddenly finding it very hard to remember what he had been asked - the alleyway was beginning to grow darker and-

He shut his eyes swiftly, hoping that the rescuer wouldn't mind his tighter grasp on his hands. Thinking about the possibilities of what could've just happened, of what his family and friends would think, those were simply too much. He had to... had to get a grip before he lost his mind entirely, fainting or throwing a fit would bring nothing good...

- **Xander’s POV-**

Xander swallowed; a thought in passing had reminded him of his eternal media presence; if a stray journalist happened to pass by and see the two, what would the headlines say…? Yet, he cursed himself silently for entertaining the thought - his reputation wasn't the issue, not nearly. The pressing matter at hand was the man in front of him, who _claimed_ he would be alright, but his worrisome shaking belied him. It seemed he was on the very edge of collapse. He kept his grip steady, fearful the young man would fall again.

It took him a moment to process the other's jargon. This side of business, high-class audiences… right, this man was a dancer after all - a friend had told him of such… Laslow. But perhaps it'd be better had he not mention the name, and frighten the poor boy even more so. “It’s not alright. They very nearly committed a crime, you know. I'm not quite sure how your... profession works, but surely there's someone you could tell this to?” The businessman’s attempt at consolation was subpar at best - he hadn't found himself in many of these ordeals after all, but he could only hope it sufficed.

As much as he wanted to pry further, he assumed it would be in his best interest not to. Xander treated the dancer as if he were a porcelain doll - he seemed so delicate and frail that he would shatter if touched too roughly. He began recognize his rescuee’s behavior; he'd dealt with his share of anxiety attacks before, particularly from his younger brother. It was absolutely heart-wrenching both then and now, though his father wasn't to blame this time. He felt powerless, and how horrible of a feeling that was.

“If you truly insist - though, do you want me to take you home? Or, you can stay with me a short while if life demands it. I'm sure you've a home and family to return to, though - I wouldn't want to worry them.” He pushed Garon away - his father would greatly mind if he ended up taking somebody home (a dancer no less!) but it wasn't as if he was there often enough to notice in the first place.

- **Inigo’s POV** -

"I-I'm sorry? I can't..." Inigo knew that the man was talking, truly, he did. He wasn't sure that was helping - his voice was _deep_ , deeper than his own, and Inigo couldn't say that he was particularly fond of that piece of information at the moment. He felt so - so _weak_ right now, he needed _something_ to ground him-

Eyes closed still, an image flashed in his mind's eyes. "M-Mother," he whispered, instantly recognizing the soft face and smile. What would she have told him to do if she were here?

_Breathe. Come on now, sweetie, you need to breathe. It's okay. Good, good, deep breaths now darling! You're doing amazing. Just count to ten with mommy, okay?_

Right, right, there it was. Count to ten - deep breaths, yes, exactly what she had told him when he was little, when he couldn't speak to _anyone_ but her.

He wasn't sure how long it took, but slowly the headrush began to dissipate, slowly he could actually decipher the other man's words, slowly he felt as if he was able to stand on his own. There were tears on his cheeks, yes, silent ones brought from the sudden fear, but no more were coming now.

He gathered his courage, opening his eyes to look up at the man's concerned gaze, taking a final deep breath before putting on his signature smile. "I - I apologize, my good sir, for this whole... ordeal." Yes, good, there we go, just charm your way out, it worked better with men than it did women anyways. "I... am very grateful for your help. I - I assure you now, now I'm... I'm alright." Of course, the tear tracks that had already ruined his performance makeup told otherwise. "I can't impose on you, friend, I'm able to go home myself. I swear on that - it's quite alright. Besides if you were to - to escort me home, well, a dapper fellow like you certainly would make an excellent target for the cameras! Along with - with myself, but I - I shy away from them as often as I can.

"Besides, if my mother got word of any gentleman bringing me home, she'd..." oh gods, the blush had arrived, "She'd never let you leave, I'm afraid..."

- **Xander’s POV** -

“Ah, come again?” The boy’s (he didn't know why he was calling him that; he couldn't have been too much younger than him, after all, perhaps just a year or so) voice was meek and quiet, evading Xander’s ears altogether. He paused - perhaps it'd be best he didn't pester the boy with any more questions for the moment. The businessman gave a small sigh; what was he to do? His heart broke for the young man in front of him, who held so much pain within him. Xander wanted to help desperately and say _it’ll be alright_ , we can get you home soon, but he knew the first half of that was nothing but an empty lie. It never soothed the soul, yet it was the easiest response.

He observed as the dancer shifted from anxious mess, to deep breathing, to a completely different person (it seemed, at least.) In any other situation, Xander would be stunned by the pure radiance of that smile. Now, it unsettled him, knowing the world of hurt it hid beneath; the joy it attempted to convey betrayed by the trails of mascara-tinted tears coming from his eyes. The way he spoke; was this his show demeanor?

“Please, it's truly not your fault. If I weren't here, gods know what would've happened to you!” His voice took on a slight edge - he was upset at the whole situation, but certainly the man in front of him was not the person to take it out on. “I can help you home, it’s not a problem in the slightest.”

He blinked - so the dancer had considered the publicity issue, as well? That was true, but he had already come to terms with it; if anything, he was performing a civil duty. But saying it like that felt like … he was demeaning the situation. It didn't sit well with him.

“I'm flattered, but I'm not sure that would be the reason they'd be following me…” He can't help but give a small chuckle in response to the blush surfacing on the dancer’s face. “You know, she sounds like quite the lovely woman. It’d be a shame not to meet her,” he says, teasingly.

Another long exhale out of his nose. “Though, if you duly insist, I will not take you home. But I will see to it that you _get_ home, at the very least.” He squeezes the young man’s hand, in some effort to drive the point home.

“And… that you are _actually_ alright. Please, be honest. There's no need for show business here.” His lips curled into the slightest smile, somewhat of a rare sight.

- **Inigo’s POV** -

His face almost cracked to show a real expression, but Inigo had been doing the likes of this for too long to let his smile down. Though, this man had a point. A lot of things could've happened, the worst possible being his demise, and...

"My mother, yes, she's very lovely," there, a better topic to focus on, something that reinforced his smile instead of tested it, "but she has a dangerous imagination when it comes to the activities of her son - though I must thank you for your offer.

"Ha, I'm not entirely sure what you may mean by that," he added, considering how the man could _get_ him home without escorting him himself, after all, Inigo did have a reputation for being somewhat slippery, "all flattery aside, the press can be an issue, while my mother may have a creative imagination if the cameras caught a glimpse of Inigo of the Indigo Skies with any sort of fellow, especially one that seems so well-to-do as you, well - I'm not sure what would be worse, being hounded for a possible relationship, or defamed for even allowing myself another's company."

Wait, shit, he hadn't meant to say _that_ \- this man was already suspicious of his true character, to let him know that he didn't spend time with much _anyone_ \- gods, could he ever talk to a stranger properly?

Before he could further deliberate, the squeeze to his hand brought Inigo back to the conversation. He - He couldn't say he was expecting that question again.

"Ah, but good sir, there's nothing I'm better at than putting on a show!" he teased, smile still bright as ever, though he had to hope that his eye makeup was still intact enough to make his eyes seem like they sparkled as well - he had always had trouble getting the emotion to reach his eyes when he faked. "Everything I've ever done is to play a role in the play of life, after all...!"

But his rescuer had smiled, then, and seemed so... so _concerned_ , so _sincere_. Before he could help it, his grin fell as well, still there and yet with something sadder behind it.

"You seem like a good man, an honest fellow. I... respect that, so I will respect your need to pry as well. Perhaps by the standards of most, I'm not... _alright_. But, for how I am - I'm as alright as ever. I swear it. I'll be... _more_ alright, I suppose, after a warm bath, a cup of tea, and looser clothing. There's your honesty, friend, as scarce and fickle a thing it is."

- **Xander’s POV** -

Xander’s eyes carefully combed over the expression of the man in front of him; something appeared to falter in his smile, yet it was so miniscule he wasn't quite sure it happened at all. His shoulders relaxed slightly, giving a small nod as the dancer talked about his mother. It took him a few moments to process what the other had implied by _a dangerous imagination_ , and it earned a brief chuckle from him. Before his mind had the opportunity to explore the idea, he quickly reined in his thoughts and returned his focus.

There was something about the way the dancer had talked about himself (he stifled a laugh at what assumedly was his pseudonym, but that was besides the point,) regarding himself as undeserving of 'allowing himself another’s company?’ Perhaps the profession had more depth than he would think; it seemed to have taken its toll on the one in front of him, after all. He thought it better to not mention it, however, his worry only evident through his forehead crinkling in thought.

“I’m sure that's true,” Xander replied, noticing the sparkle that returned to the performer’s eyes, being more impressed than worried (really, how do you fake such a thing…?) “but, you're more than the part you play; there's a person behind it, after all. There's such a thing as being too selfless, you know.” He smirks. “I’ve been there myself. Perhaps it's best to think about yourself more.”

His smirk softened as the man in front of him broke his charade, albeit only briefly. He leveled his gaze. “I suppose that's as much as I'm going to get out of you, considering you're being so… technical about it. But I appreciate you opening up, though ever so slightly.”

Xander glanced to the sky, noting the darker hue the clouds had taken on. It'd be best they didn't stay much longer, before night fell. “It's getting rather late,” he commented, breaking away his hands in favor of standing up.

“It'd be nice to meet again, but I won't take any more of your time, considering the circumstances.”

- **Inigo’s POV** -

Inigo righted himself the second he was let go, glancing up at the sky. Yes, it was getting dark, though the alleyway was not helping that matter, and frankly, he was cold, he was tired, and he felt nearly numb from... everything that had happened. He wanted nothing more than a cup of hot tea, a book, and a blanket to curl up under, perhaps with old music playing on the radio. If Xander was awake, perhaps he'd text and have a conversation, ask him about his day, if only to distract himself from everything that had happened to _him_. Texting Severa or Owain or Gerome... was out of the question, he likely had several texts from them already, for they knew of his schedule and would immediately draw the worst conclusions if he did not reply soon.

Hopefully they hadn't begun worrying yet, and hadn't thought to call his mother...

"I'll take your advice, perhaps... think of myself more. However! Before we part-" Gods, was he going to do this? How _embarrassing_ \- just go through with it, already! "I, um - I'm playing in more, ah, _upscale_ theaters this week. You seem like a fellow that'd enjoy the finer arts - if you're interested, all you need to is - is search for my stage name, online, and - well, if you _are_ interested, then - ah, the first show is free, for _you_ , as a - a thanks." Surely he was blushing now, but... it was only right to do.

_"Inigo! Get your ass out here! You better not be dead in some gutter - I'll never forgive you if you got yourself into trouble! Inigo!"_

Oh - _now_ he was certainly red, quite familiar with the voice of one of his closest friends, Gerome. ~~That man had quite a protective streak, and at times like this, Inigo couldn't really blame him.~~ Pink faced and embarrassed, Inigo scratched at the back up his neck, stepping away a bit from his savior.

"I, um - t-that's a friend of mine, they - they get worried, sometimes, and - I've got to go.

"Thank you," Inigo added, this time giving his brightest smile, a _real_ one, as he back-peddled away giving a brief wave, "I hope to see you at a show sometime!"

At that, Inigo turned tail and fled. He was - was slightly proud of himself, for so directly asking a clearly important man such a thing. But... would he even come? He didn't even know his name!

_Well, only time would tell..._


	2. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inigo's returned home.  
> This chapter has Olivia - she's written by @luluisapomme on tumblr!

- **Inigo’s POV** -

It took a while for Inigo to get home, and by then it was completely dark outside and his ears were ringing from Gerome's string of both scolding and concern. All he wanted was to get some tea, curl up, and sleep.

Still, he somehow found himself unlocking and opening the front door, walking in as though he was a living zombie. He... was almost surprised how much _pain_ he was in, but the mirror in the front hall told enough of that story: bruises were forming along his neck and collarbone, and a dark, red mark that was almost hand-shaped was clear on his cheek. His tears had effectively ruined his make-up, and he looked as tired as he felt. Anxiety attacks like the one he had suffered in the alleyway frequently sapped him of all energy and strength, and frankly, he simply hoped he would make it up the stairs.

He felt as though he was swimming rather than walking, and he... wouldn't be surprised, exactly, if he had gotten a concussion from either his head hitting the wall or the ground.

Olivia was going to be... so disappointed in him.

 _Mother_.

Shedding his bag and shoes at the door, Inigo tentatively called out, cringingly lightly at how rough his voice was, what with the injuries.

"Mother? Are... are you awake?"

- **Olivia’s POV** -

Hearing the sound of the door opening made Olivia jump. The worried mom immediately stopped her back and forth pacing, hurrying toward the entry hall. She turned on the light and instead of smiling - although she was extremely relieved and happy to see him - her traits shaped into a concerned frown and she was close to tears.

“Inigo! Inigo, my dove, what happened to your face?!” she asked with horror, because seeing your child coming home with bruises was absolutely not on the list of things she expected or imagined would happen. She was way too tired to have another panic attack right now, the last one being over his whereabouts, so her body felt kind of the opposite, detaching itself. She needed her whole head in this situation, damnit.

“You seem tired, please - come and sit.” Olivia said as she gently brought Inigo to the living room's sofa. Holding his hands and looking at the visible parts of his body to see the state her son was in, Olivia could feel her stomach twist. How could she... _fail_ like this? She felt guilty, she should have done something - but what? Maybe... maybe it wasn't her fault. She knew a thing or two about people being... less than delicate. Despite her growing worry, she forced a reassuring albeit shaky smile.

“Tell me... what happened?”, her hand went to brush away one of Inigo's strands of hair that was hanging in front of his eye. “I have so many questions... you had me terribly worried you know.”

- **Inigo’s POV** -

Inigo was a little dizzy as he was pulled into the other room, and he blinked before realizing he was suddenly sitting upon the couch, hands held in his mother's. His eyes dart about slowly before he remembers - _yes, this is home, it's just Mother, everything's alright_ \- and gave a soft sigh, head dipping down in shame.

"I... had some trouble with a more _belligerent_ customer today... I... I got stuck in a dark alleyway with him and... a handful of his brutish friends. I tried to... back out, but..."

Inigo winced slightly, trying not to remember the beginning of the whole... ordeal. "I got pinned up against the wall, so I... I apologize, if I sound a little off. But... it's... it's okay!"

He tried to smile, he _did_ , but there was still a bit of fear residing in him that carried on so far through the night.

"Nothing happened, I swear it... this... this business man, he saw something happening and he... he came down to where we were and scared all of them off, helped me. He was - He was very kind, he... stayed with me even as I... I _panicked_ , without harassing me or... upsetting me further, he just... wanted to make me feel _safe_. He wanted to take me home, even, but..."

Inigo's face flushed red, him sinking a little on the couch at saying it out loud, "I d-didn't want anyone to... g-get ideas, you know?

"I'm... I'm sorry for worrying you... and others, too. I know that I shouldn't have, but... well... at least Gerome came looking and... and he drove me home, and... of course, the other man, he..." Inigo paused slightly, a small moment of thought passing over him, "I never even got his name."

- **Olivia’s POV** -

Olivia listened attentively to his story, her pulse gradually slowing down. She is shaken by the fact that his situation was _very_ similar to one she had close to a year ago. Fortunately he was able to come back in one piece and clearly avoided the worst outcome possible.

Her worried frown brightened up into an amused expression at the mention of a certain businessman. “I see... I would have loved to see him! You should have let him bring you home so I could thank him properly,” she giggled. “You'll have to remind me to thanks Gerome later.”

Her anxiety almost fell completely, mind preoccupied by that man that saved him. “You didn't even ask for your savior's name? Ah, Inigo...” she poked his cheek, “I'm so glad to see you safe, my little dove.”

There was a pause and her eyes shifted toward the window briefly. “If you want to go relax before sleep- please, we can talk more about this tomorrow morning.”

- **Inigo’s POV** -

More than exhausted, Inigo rested his head upon Olivia's shoulder, taking a deep breath. He was tired, and longed to take a bath and get some tea to wind down... He was starting to fade, so slowly he sat up, resting a hand on Olivia's knee. "I... I'm going to go upstairs, if that's alright? Relaxing sounds… good. I'd like to bathe and text some friends before I sleep..."

He waved goodnight to Olivia has he stood, deeply grateful that Soleil was visiting a friend for the night. She certainly didn’t need to see him full of such anxiety energy, as well as injured. Like mother, like son, but hopefully Inigo could keep Soleil out of things like this for still some time to come.


	3. oh shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of Xander's texting is from our lovely deeklz! the gay panic starts here and now.  
> (all spelling errors within texts are purposeful because inigo's a disaster)

Inigo _tried_ to calm down. Really, he did. He took a bubble bath, had some tea, even put on his most comfortable pajamas! Yet…

What he needed was a distraction. A _human_ distraction, but surely if he texted anyone right now they would have already heard from Gerome how his night had been – and then they’d chew him out or be _too nice_ , and it just wouldn’t help. The only person Inigo could think of that couldn’t possibly have been informed by Gerome would be–

Oh. Xander.

Sitting down on the loveseat in his bedroom, Inigo flipped out his phone, staring at the text conversation. It was late, maybe he shouldn’t…?

_23:04_

_are you up? [23:04]_

_totally ok if not tho [23:04]_

He slapped in an ‘ok’ emoji as an afterthought, general nervousness at the idea of disrupting his friend’s sleep. They had come a long way through this company-oriented companionship, instead deciding to remain cordial and in touch even when it ended. Still, he knew that Xander was a strict and responsible man, and he likely wasn’t about to do anything immature like late-night texting–

A ding – a response?

_[23:05] Yes, I am awake. Isn’t it late though?_

_uh yeah? that’s why i asked first [23:06]_

Affectionately, Inigo made sure to punctuate the text with an eye roll. Typical Xander, always with his autocorrect on.

_how was your day? [23:06]_

_[23:06] I can do without the sass._

Yeah, as if there wasn’t likely a stupid exasperated smile on whatever his face was.

_[23:06] However, it was interesting. I took a walk and ended up helping somebody in need._

_[23:07] And you?_

_perhaps you can do without the sass, but you’ll be getting it anyhow [23:07]_

_a walk, eh? surprised you walk anywhere, what with your job. helping someone, though, that sounds just like Ever Chivalrous Xander, aha~ I jest, i’m certain they were happy to have you. [23:08]_

Inigo paused. Talking about his day…? He wasn’t exactly known for being good at lying _or_ subtlety.

_[23:08] As always, with you._

_[23:09] And I’ll have you know I am a frequent taker of walks. It helps me clear my head after a particularly strenuous day at work._

_[23:10] The man invited me to a theater as thanks. I’ve never been, but it must be fun considering how you speak of it._

_oh, my day! yes, my day was fairly normal. my usual appointments, though i had to deal with some difficult patrons, nothing i couldn't handle. got some guidance from a rather strapping fellow of course, always glad for the assistance [23:10]_

_[23:10] I never caught his name though. Shame._

_[23:11] Difficult patrons? That doesn’t sound very pleasant. I am glad it wasn’t much of an issue, though._

_sorry, i… [23:15]_

_a theater??? [23:15]_

_did you save an actor or smth?? or [23:15]_

_WAIT YOU MEAN [23:16]_

_DANCE? [23:16]_

_and oh gods no don’t mind that, it really wasn’t an issue, more something i’m used to [23:16]_

_[23:17] Yes, a dancer. I believe that’s what he was._

_[23:18] Dancing is acting in a way, right?_ _At least, this man was quite the actor himself. It was hard to read his emotions._

_[23:19] Well, if you insist it’s not an issue…_

Inigo huffed, shuffling in his seat a bit to change position, blowing his pink bangs out of his eyes. It was so like Xander to act as if he’d somehow find out Inigo’s place of business and lecture those who gave him trouble. What a shame that Xander had run into some dancer out there, though. The poor guy was probably baffled by Xander’s easy way of stripping dishonesty until emotion was bare, even over _text_. He knew _he’d_ certainly crumble under Xander’s stern sincerity – unless Xander had a comically cartoonish voice, he supposed, but that didn’t seem likely. Just the thought of it made his hands jittery with discomfort.

_well of course, dancing is extremleyl diverse, you gotta know how to act if you ereally wanna sell the illusion! [23:20]_

_hope you enjoy the show of course, did he ask you as in a date or...? ;) [23:20]_

_[23:21] Yes, yes. He did seem rather talented in that department. For the better or worse, I could not tell._

_[23:22] No, I don't think it was a date. It was more of a courteous offer. I do plan on attending, though, if I can clear my schedule_

_oho! so you're telling me that some dancer of sorts got into a tricky spot, and now he wants you to ~watch him perform~ [23:22]_

_sounds like a date good sir! [23:22]_

A small thought came to Inigo then, immediately prompting him to send a question, curious. Then again… he wasn’t sure if he was going to like the answer. Some of his competition were dreadful people, after all…

_tho there aren't many male dacers? not in thea rea anyways. are you ccetrin you didn't get a name of sorts? most people are always quite keen on,,, "advertisement", if you will [23:24]_

_[23:25] Perhaps you are correct. He hardly gave me any information, besides to 'look him up', though, so I guess it's not a proper date._

_[23:26] On that note, he did mention his stage name. Indigo?_

_[23:28] Actually, I believe it was Inigo. I can't exactly remember._

Inigo’s world froze. That couldn’t – absolutely _not_ , that couldn’t be right! Suddenly refilled with anxious energy, he shot another text back.

_excuse [23:31]_

_[23:32] Excused._

_i [23:35]_

_inigo?? of??? the indigo??? skies??? [23:40]_

_PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE KIDDING [23:40]_

Gods, that had to be the only explanation for this, it _had_ to be, there was no _way_ that–

_[23:41] You would know if I was kidding._

_[23:42] Is there something the matter?_

It was getting hard to breathe again – what sort of bad luck was this? Had it really been _Xander_ that had come to his aid when those men had – _no_ , gods _no_ , if that was true Xander would never take him seriously again, besides, he had never even informed Xander of his profession in fear of what his reaction would be! Having a concerned, handsome face imprinted in his mind did _not_ make this any better, because now he could almost see it hovering over the texts, and Xander wasn’t _allowed_ to be pretty because he was already far too _nice_ , and he knew him as some obnoxious flirt called _Laslow_ because what _else_ was he supposed to do? Sign up for a program like this under his real name, knowing how famed he was in the arts?

He had to play it cool. So long as he didn’t let Xander draw the conclusion that he was actually speaking to Inigo of Indigo Skies, _not_ Laslow, a screenname, it would be fine.

Right?

_hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [23:45]_

_he's,,, he's the most famed male dancer in the city, i [23:45]_

He almost smacked his head against the table. Real smooth.

_[23:46] Is he, now? I had heard some things about him, but I didn't know the extent of his fame._

Xander had _heard things about him?!_ Gods – take a deep breath, calm down, this was fine, this was just peachy…

And maybe, _maybe_ it wasn’t him! Maybe it was an impersonator. That was possible!

_sorry i had to try and wrap my head around this, [23:50]_

_so you MET this guy, and you... helped him? [23:50]_

_what was he like??? [23:50]_

_[23:52] I can't say it was necessarily in the best of circumstances. He was nearly roughed up by some... mob, in a dark alley. I merely saw it as my duty to help him out of his situation._

_[23:53] He seemed rather flustered the whole time, though. I do hope he returned home safely._

_[23:53] I offered him a ride and he politely declined._

_sorryi 'vew got to [23:53]_

He had only barely excused himself when he felt the phone fall from his hands, his whole body shaking. Cold. He was cold, and the air was so dry, impossible to breathe in.

When had he fallen from his seat to the floor? A strangled noise left Inigo’s throat as he scrambled to the bathroom, running to the sink to splash his face with hot water. Water or no, his vision was too blurry; Inigo gripped the sink tightly to keep from careening to the ground.

There was absolutely no doubt: the man who had saved him wasn’t some ordinary passerby. It was _Xander_ , heir to Nohr’s massive company, a man so genuine and interesting that he had immediately taken interest in him as Laslow. Not that it mattered – Xander was so much _better_ than him, and there was no way he’d ever think of Laslow as anything more than some comical friend–

But as _Inigo_ …

No, absolutely not! How _mortifying_ it was already for Xander to have to help him – oh _gods_ , and he had just teased Xander about the whole thing being a date!

Deciding that another cup of tea was necessary to sooth these nerves, Inigo managed to get down to the kitchen without passing out. Rashly, he decided not to try and search for the medication he knew he had somewhere that could calm his panic attacks, knowing that the effort it would take to find them would likely cause enough of a stir for Olivia to wonder what was going on. No, tea would have to do.

Inigo wasn’t sure how long it took for him to find himself back in his room, tea in one hand while the other retrieved his forgotten phone.

_[23:53] Laslow?_

_[23:58] Hello?_

He had left Xander hanging… despite the fresh set of anxiety coiling in his stomach, he steeled himself, forcing his fingers to reply.

_00:13_

_I musta pologize, I had to [00:13]_

_get another cup of tea, it's been a... long day [00:13]_

He had messed up. There was no way Xander would have waited twenty minutes while Inigo panicked, he probably opted to ignore the issue and get much needed sleep. That very notion caused a pang in Inigo’s heart, wincing as he fell back to his rambling, multi-text habits.

_i really shouldn't hve bothered u so late, do forgive me, friend [00:15]_

_just [00:15]_

_definitely go to one of his shows, he's really good, from what i've heard! i'm sure he'd like to see you again. i've... heard of the violence that can transpire in the dancer community, you'd like be a comfort for him [00:15]_

There, he had done _something_ , now he could pretend this hadn’t happened and go to–

_Ding._

_[00:16] It's no issue. Truly, I don't mind._

_[00:16] Yes, I was planning on doing so already. It would be nice for you to come as well, but I'm sure you may be busy. The offer still stands._

Xander wanted _him_ to go along and watch a dancer who was _also him_ perform as what _Xander_ would believe to be their first personal meeting? He needed more tea…

_[00:17] But…_

_[00:17] Are you feeling alright?_

_as much as a treat it'd be to see him perform, i'm always booked around the time he's available [00:20]_

_aha some sort of sick irony or smth yknow [00:20]_

_thanks for the offer tho of course!! [00:20]_

Praying his deflection was enough, Inigo made sure to add on a bunch of his typical hug and kiss emojis. Then, Xander would roll his eyes and maybe get annoyed and finally, _finally_ decide to sl-

_[00:21] Oh, that is quite unlucky. Perhaps another time._

_[00:23] My question still stands. I'd like to go to sleep without worry._

The phone almost slipped from his hands again. There truly wasn’t a way to get this man _not_ to care.

The little bubble filled with dots kept coming up, leaving, and returning, as though Xander had something he wanted to add but not the right words to say. By the time they disappear for good, Inigo’s unable to lie, not with the image in his mind of such a concerned face framed by golden hair.

_well, ah [00:25]_

_i can't... [00:25]_

_i'm not certain an answer will ease your mind, but... [00:27]_

_if you insist then [00:27]_

_no [00:30]_

_[00:30] Ah. That’s…_

_[00:30] I’m sorry to hear, then._

_[00:31] If there is anything I can do to soothe your woes, do not hesitate from asking me._

_[00:33] I understand if you don't want to talk about it though._

_[00:34] I will be here regardless._

Something burned inside his chest, too late Inigo realizing that tears had started up again. How was this _fair_? How could someone be so… so open and kind? Wiping the hot tears away with one thumb, he tried to steady himself to reply.

_you really are too kind to me, you know? i truly don't deserve you [00:35]_

_it's... a lot, really, i can't burden you with... so much in one day [00:35]_

_you know how i am aha [00:36]_

The words were more true than he was willing to admit to, even if this was slipping into the dreaded late-night Honesty Hour.

_thank you, xander. for... caring about someone like me. [00:40]_

_believe it or not, i'm not exactly the most social [00:40]_

_frankly irl i freeze up completely, texting makes life so much easier... [00:40]_

_not e n t i r e l y sure why someone like you would bother with me, but [00:41]_

_that just how life be, i guess [00:41]_

_im sorry for keeping you up though, you're [00:41]_

_losing sleep over something silly [00:42]_

_g o  t o o  b e d [00:42]_

_[00:43] You flatter me. It's the least I can do for you._

_[00:43] And perhaps it may be too much for one day, but I will be here tomorrow and the days after._

_[00:44] Of course. You're my dear friend._

_[00:45] I 'bother' with you because you are an interesting individual. It's nice to talk to someone so vastly different from yourself. You learn a lot that way._

_[00:46] Plus, it's nice to relax and have a friendly chat once in a while, away from pressures of work life, wouldn't you agree?_

_[00:47] It is a little late, huh? I've a meeting tomorrow - but if I made you feel any better, my time wasn't wasted._

_[00:47] Good night, now_

_i [00:48]_

_xander [00:48]_

_…thank you. [00:48]_

_goodnight :D [00:50]_

With that, Inigo locked his phone, wearily looking at his warm bed. Yes, it was time to sleep.

Maybe when he woke up, all of this would disappear into the night like a bad dream.

**Author's Note:**

> (catch me and deeklz sweating bc we know sworn-2-secrecy devours all xanlow content and we're Nothing compared to a god) we hope you really enjoyed this! more will come as i edit and fix things! thank you for your kudos and reviews!


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